Stocks are ripping. Bonds are not. Send me your tights and I will rip holes in them for $13.99
Your stock portfolio should have made you about 6% so far for the year, unless you focused only on retail stocks. Retail stocks are down almost 2% for the year. More on that in a minute.
Your high quality bond portfolio
All bonds are not the same and you’ll likely lose your rear in a stock market downturn if your portfolio is tilted towards low quality bonds. Check that out.
How to lose your money, fast
Invest in malls.
Maybe it’s because this is the most beautiful chart in the world.
I don’t know.
Wait, I do know. This is Macy’s.
You know I invested $1,000 with Fundrise to dip my toe in the online real estate investing water. I am enjoying seeing my Fundrise dividend money show up in my account.
That’s almost one class at Soul Cycle or enough to feed a family in Africa for month. Really though, random credits are nice.
I’m also enjoying that the portfolio of real estate that I chose on their website (and receive regular updates on!) doesn’t invest in malls.
Fundrise pays me to talk about them. If that weirds you out, I hope you know by now that I don’t talk about things I don’t like.
If I don’t like something, I’ll tell you, like certain things schools worry about.
Apple wants you to chill in their stores
I guess that article about experience-based shopping is real.
Apple is creating a whole new experience beyond the genius bar. The experience is: “come to our stores for free educational classes and advice, then please buy more stuff when you’re here.”
The new free classes are called Today at Apple.
“For example, (The Verge reports) that Apple wants small business owners and startups to come to the conference spaces in select stores to get advice from developers and entrepreneurs.”
More free help. More cute 25-year-olds to help me. Word to your mother, I’m in. That’s genius. (Did I just say that? Boom).
Buying your customers
Here’s how much it costs you to buy customers:
All I get out of this is it seems like the higher the switching cost, the more you have to spend to get a new customer.
You have no loyalty to a travel service provider online and it’s pretty easy to switch to another company. But changing your phone carrier? OMFG, DEATH.
I spoke with a new company called turbotenant. Turbotenant’s mission is to make landlording easier by streamlining your rental process for you.
All that paperwork, listing your apartment, the background checks, blah blah blah. It’s really annoying and time consuming if you own a place. Well, turbotenant handles all that for you.
I’ll probably use them one day.
Hedge fund managers
BREAKING: Humans are not smart
Enter Elon Musk’s new company – Neuralink.
“Artificial intelligence and machine learning will create computers so sophisticated and godlike that humans will need to implant ‘neural laces’ in their brains to keep up, Musk said in a tech conference last year.”
BREAKING: Kale revolt
“With a mix of unseasonably warm weather and a series of drenching rains, has confounded farmers and produced gyrating prices for consumers across the country. The wholesale price of iceberg lettuce grown in California has risen sixfold since January, while broccoli has quadrupled; conditions are expected to persist for several more weeks.”
Thank you for reading, come back soon. But not too soon.